Thursday, January 31, 2013
For all the old people who aren't thinking anymore
For the old people who know how to use the internet (50+), thank gods you do. This is the time that young people (like me) know that there are many types of people who are totally different from me, because we like to roam around social websites. But for most of your people, I don't think they know it, or they will accept it. So please be different from them.
Because I think it's about time for you (too) to think of the effects of your actions. Kids are always being told to do that. Teenagers are always doing that. Not too many times are elder people being told to do so. So I'm telling you now.
I'll tell you my story.
It was during my kindergarten days, while we were waiting for someone to pick us up. My funny classmate (a boy) was laughing at one of my girl classmate (let's call her J). She was a friend actually, because we sat beside each other and kids became friends just by sitting beside each other. Anyway, he was making fun of her, and I laughed at his jokes. J cried to her chaperone, so the chaperone, her grandmother (GM), confronted us. But because the fetcher (what's the english word for tagasundo? O.o) of the funny classmate arrived earlier than mine, I was the one that was fried[napagbuntungan]. She scolded me. I can't remember what exactly did the GM said and what I answered back (if I did), but I too ended up crying and what I clearly remembered was that I held J's hand and so that she could slap me, with my guidance, for her 'revenge'. At the end, they went home, and I was left alone the classroom. Because my sundo was hours late, and I was so humiliated, I thought of not going to school anymore. I got my emergency box (the one filled with extra clothes, tissue, soap - required for kids to bring at the start of school year so that kids peeing and pooping at the school premises will be ready), and told my sundo that I will not go back there. She asked me why but I didn't give an answer. Months after, J made moves for us to be friends again, but I was so afraid of offending her again so I didn't speak to her anymore. We forgave each other, yes, but because of the meddling GM, things worsen.
The thing here is, if GM didn't meddle with childish things (yes, us. She humiliated J for her acts, too), if she just consoled J, we would be friends again, and I wouldn't have this trauma.
Yes, I realize just now that I have trauma of things like that because of an incident that happened this morning.
I was going out of my boarding house (I live at the 4th floor of a four-floor buildling.), and old women (who I didn't know because it was the first time that I saw them) living at the third floor cleaning the hall near the stairs suddenly talked (shouted at?) to me and asked me if I've seen my landlord because they would complain about his cigarette butts in their halls. But after asking, they didn't wait for my answer (which was, that I didn't see my landlord), they complained directly at me. They complained about other things too, in a very offensive (the action of attacking an enemy) manner. (One complained about a delivery that I didn't get, which I really regretted and was so sorry for[continued here], one complained about the leaks that they are getting from our toilet) I told them to soften their voices because it's still morning and mood shouldn't be ruined yet; the toilet one heard me, the delivery one didn't. So I fixed my attention to the toilet one: she complained and I addressed her by saying that I would text what she's telling me to my landlord (and I did), and she almost apologized that they ranted problems at me. But the delivery one, she didn't stop ranting (she even called me walang-hiya). We didn't meet at all - I tried, but she could not be stopped. So we didn't resolve anything. I was shaking during the entire 'conversation'. I told them so. I told them that I was shaking because of THEIR anger.
I walked out when the toilet one let me go (the delivery one COULDN'T let me go but I couldn't wait for her). I was still shaking. I was on the verge of crying (forgive me, I didn't let out angry emotions to them so my emotions went up to my eyes), and my heart ached, like I was having when I drank lots of coffee. I was [nahihilo] too. These physical reactions made me conclude that I have trauma.
So. What I got out of these experiences are:
1. Bravo to me because I didn't level with the their anger.
2. I don't like old women like them, meddling with everything, judging people, not thinking of the consequences of their actions or words. By judging, this is what I meant: From incident 2, I still heard them talking to themselves after I walked out, one telling the other that I was the suplada (a snob) girl from above. It's first time that I saw them, I didn't even know their names, and I was suplada. What does that statement says about them, if I don't know them and they are familiar with me? They should've tested me first e.g. smile at me, and when I didn't return the favor, that's the cue to say I'm a snob.
3. The thought that THEY should know that they hurt people. I was thinking of writing a letter to the delivery woman, about what I felt and about how hurtful she was. Pure facts. What do you think? A letter because she definitely would not hear me out if I will give a speech. Also,
4. I don't want to see them anymore, thus, I will move out ASAP.
5. Wisdom doesn't go along with age after all.
What old people should get out of my experiences are:
1. You shouldn't BULLY people just because they are younger.
2. You are capable of hurting people too. I've heard many rants from you that you aren't being respected anymore. Well, it's a two way process: respect us and we'll respect you, too.
3. Yes, you are not the only ones who should be respected.
4. It's bad to meddle with the affairs of others, and it's worse to involve innocent people to one's affair and blame them for it.
5. On Children by Khalil Gibran.